For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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