Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize