I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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