Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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