Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
