mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
