Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
