HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
