that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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