is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
