I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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