She told me I should be a condom model.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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