We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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