just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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