He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
