Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
