The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
