i think my tv is drunk
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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