I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
