My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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