You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
