He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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