Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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