i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Congratulations! We have a period
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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