I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
