considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize