I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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