I'm jealous of your bromance
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
