it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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