Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
