Michael Bay diarrhea
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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