I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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