Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
