Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
