I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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