We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize