Sacagawea was the original milf.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
