ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
