haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
