Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
