..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
