this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
