wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
