yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
