: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
