Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize