Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
