I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
