Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
