She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
