the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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