i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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