Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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