Ambien. No doubt about it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
