Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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