Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
