True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
