its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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