Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
