and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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