So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize