Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
