I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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