the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
