the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
