I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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