Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
