Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
