and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Drake has all the answers
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
as a side note pls kill me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
