dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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