If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize