You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I intend to get homeless drunk
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
