I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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