its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Im part way to drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
