he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
please come you make the beer taste better
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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