im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
