i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
