the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
