He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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