So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
