All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
