this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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