brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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