Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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