I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
