At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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