kristin has been a bad kristin
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
