i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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