Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
