i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
