Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
