I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
