someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
