spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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