I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
