I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize