six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
