How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
