I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
